You have a little girl inside of you that wants to come out and express herself in all her fullness but she is frightened because anytime that she sneaks out, you allow people to get to her. You quickly do something to cover it up to reassure others that you can fit in, you don’t protect her so she makes herself small and hides herself away in the wardrobe where no one can find her.
Let’s break this cycle. Let your inner child know that you will be there for her whatever happens.
Allow your inner child to open up and tell you: how she really feels, who she wants to be, what she wants to do, how she wants to express herself. When she does open up to you, when she lets you know she is hurt, embarrassed,when she feels used or upset, don’t make her feel silly or irrational for reacting or feeling this way. Allow her feelings to be seen.
Be the first person that she can trust and reassure her that she can stop hiding from you and mean it. Change yourself to be a better nurturer to her. Love on her. She wants to be accepted, seen, recognised by YOU. The minute you show her that love, she feels unguarded, she can come out of hiding.
Imagine that inner you hiding in the wardrobe with all the clothes in front of her face, everytime she peeps through, something you do to her makes her feel rejected. As your adult self, you may feel that other people make you feel unworthy, rejected, unheard, hurt but in actual fact you are the reason she has to hide every time. She doesn’t trust that you will be there for her if she shows herself and others react funny, she doesn’t trust that you will stand up for her. Do you get what I mean?
Other people won’t affect your inner child if you don’t reject her.
When she tries to free herself, whenever she tries to be funny you, every time she tries to be sensual you, when she is the emotional you, whenever she tries to be the goofy you, or the soft you, you shun her for coming out. You make her feel embarrassed for showing her true self and you send her right back to the wardrobe because of fear of how others will react to this free, innocent, real you. You do this to protect the adult you and keep her in line with the accepted norms. Here’s the thing, your inner you is thinking “ If only YOU would realise that I just want to be accepted by YOU, I would feel safe and I wouldn’t care about what anyone else thinks.”
“I would feel invincible!!!”
“I’m not scared of other people’s opinions, I only want to make you happy. I want you to love me unconditionally.”
The thing is, people will constantly show you that they really have no idea about who you are and as they reveal this, let’s be honest. This hurts
It hurts right in your throat, right in your chest, you may feel misunderstood, abused, under-attack, unheard, used, shamed, the list goes on. You cannot change other people but what you can do is reassure her that you are with her no matter what.
Your inner child needs you
Allow your inner child to feel these feelings. Imagine yourself as a 5 year old child when these feelings come. You don't have to overcome it or fight it, don’t try and talk her out of the feeling, don’t try and fix it. Instead, give her warmth, love on her, give her a hug. Just show her the love you need, Just let her know that you are there for her, love on her, feel it with her and reassure her that you are here to keep her safe; like when a child hurts themself and they just need their mother to kiss it better so they can be fine.
It is not what people think of you that matters, her real issue is that the people reinforce the negative things she knows you already feel about yourself, the real you - her. And if we have done the work of realigning the values and beliefs that we have about ourselves, we need to go back to our inner child and assure her that she is free to express herself because YOU have her back. Nobody can give her the acceptance that she needs from you. She needs to feel worthy to you, no one can believe in her more than you believe in her, it’s just not the same.
Let her know you have her back, you know like how Solange fought Jay Z for Beyonce in that lift, she was really going for it, you could tell she was really fighting for someone who deserves better than the treatment. That's what you should be willing to do for the little you, the real you. you are worth it all. All I'm saying is just let her know she has you supporting her and watch how differently she walks, moves, expresses herself and walks right out of that wardrobe. That little girl is waiting for you to reassure her that you will keep her safe if she is let free.
Let's commit to showing up for ourselves everyday.